


Pretty Tame (For An Away Mission) Actually

by averzierlia



Category: Star Trek (2009)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-12-10
Updated: 2011-12-10
Packaged: 2017-10-27 03:54:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 493
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/291356
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/averzierlia/pseuds/averzierlia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Normally Jim would be all over adding another species to the list of things he's had sex with, but he's got a strong objection to breeding tentacles.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Pretty Tame (For An Away Mission) Actually

**Author's Note:**

  * For [everythingshiny](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=everythingshiny).



“As you have no mate-“ the High Priest or the Elder or the Grand Matron of Bubbles is saying (Jim gets like this when he suffers adrenaline rushes – irrelevant information is discarded) and Jim cuts him off with relief because as pretty as the purple skinned females of the Tyrinorians are, he doesn’t really want any of them sticking their breeding tentacle in the back of his neck.

“I have a mate,” he says quickly.

The Great Bearer of the Green Headdress blinks at him in confusion. He says something in his native tongue, looking to Uhura because the translators don’t pick up on High Trinic, but Jim has a good enough ear to pick up ‘bonded’ and ‘scent’. Apparently he doesn’t share a smell with anyone on the away team, so they have a hard time believing he’s telling the truth.

“They say-“ Uhura starts, and Jim waves her explanation away.

“None of you smell like me,” he says, which causes her to raise her eyebrow. He ignores it and clicks on his communicator.

“Kirk to Med Bay.”

“What did you do _now_ ,” comes Bones voice, mildly annoyed. Jim grins.

Uhura’s eyebrow climbs higher.

“So, I need you to come down and explain how we’re mates,” Jim says, turning away from the Tyrinorians.

“What did you _do_ ,” Bones repeats, but Jim can hear the swish of a door and knows that he’s heading to the transporter.

“Your insistence on washing our clothes separately and changing the sheets every other night means that I don’t smell like you,” Jim grins at Uhura because if her eyebrow goes any higher it’s going to climb off her face.

“I’m sorry my expectations of hygiene have gotten you in a mess princess, I’ll move back into my own quarters after the sex and let you wallow in your filth-”

“Oh, says the man who insists that we can’t risk me being allergic to _condoms_ -“

“You’re allergic to everything else-“

“I’ve used them before-“

“The list of things you’re allergic to grows daily-“

“Uh-huh, you keep telling yourself that’s why-“

Kirk hears the transporter start up, and it cuts off whatever Bones is saying. The lights signaling his arrival gather in the clear space next to Uhura, and when it coalesces Jim can see that Bones is wearing a lazy grin, the one he always gets when they argue like an old married couple.

Bones steps forward and settles his hand on the small of Jim’s back.

“This one is mine,” he announces, and the Tyrinorians nod.

Jim ignores the gaping Uhura is doing and leans into Bones. “I love you. Like, really love you.”

“Ya, tell me that when I comm Gaila and inform her that we’ve encountered an alien species you aren’t eager to jump in bed with,” Bones shoots back, still grinning.

Jim pretends to be horrified, but the little smile he’s wearing kind of ruins it. No one calls him on it though.

**Author's Note:**

> Ya, this does contain the blatant Futurama reference you think it does.


End file.
